Teacher Feedback

Teacher Feedback

Through the feedback I have received, I will improve the front cover of my magazine by repositioning the meaning of the acronym (You Only Live Once) used for the magazine name, perhaps vertically down the side of the masthead, and make the image of my model bigger in order to make use of the space well. Also, I will alter my model's skin tone as the colour clashes with the masthead colour and modify the positioning of the genre description (The Way Of R&B/Hip-hop Life) as part of it isn't visible enough as it's slightly cut off by the image of my model. Furthermore, I will alter the rest of the images of my model used for the contents page and double-page spread as well as the image used on the front cover in Photoshop to get rid of the flash which reflects off my model's shades. I've decided that I want to use aspects of the airbrush technique on my images as well to give them a more professional, smooth finish. In addition, I will reposition the cover lines neatly and change the colour of the purple-coloured cover line that says 'BEST ARTIST OF THE YEAR' as the colour clashes with my model's t-shirt. I will add effects to the typography to make it stand out more and use several different font styles too.

I will improve the contents page by sharpening the title as it looks blurry and reposition it so that it starts on the far left of the page, and move 'FEATURES' down slightly as it's too close to the title of the page. Moreover, I will experiment with the typography by selecting a number of different font styles and use text effects to make it attention-grabbing. Furthermore, I will reconsider using the colour purple for both the subheadings and description of the articles.

The double-page spread will be improved by moving the title of the page over to the left-hand side and leaving space between the subheading of the page and the actual article. Also, the title will be resized so that it's larger, taking up more of the width of the page. In addition, I will make the quote look more eye-catching by adding a text effect to it and extend the double-page spread article by adding more questions and answers to get rid of the white space and resize the text as it's oversized, ending the article with news about the artist's album/gigs to make it more interesting for readers. To make sure that my spelling, punctuation, and grammar is accurate, I will read through the article and make any necessary changes to make sure it is written with technical accuracy.

Evaluation of First Draft Magazine

Marking Exemplar Material





First Draft Magazine Front Cover, Contents Page, and Double-page Spread

First Draft Magazine

First Draft Article for Double-page Spread

New artist in the city, K. P., gives an insight into his new way of life.

Q: P. Diddy was the one who noticed your combined singing and rapping skills. What was your reaction when he first approached you at Mynt Lounge?

K. P.: I was in total shock! I couldn’t come to terms with having my favourite inspirational artist of all time standing right in front of me – the main man who I grew up listening to as a kid. After my performance at the club, he pulled me aside for a chat and we had a couple of drinks. We then talked about what it would mean to me if I became part of the rap game. I said that it would be the best thing that would ever happen to me in my whole life. I don’t wanna do it just for myself; I wanna do it for my family too. I wanna make 'em proud and thank them for making me who I am today. Next, Diddy said “well you can make that dream turn into reality right now with my help, if you want it that is”. I was completely lost for words; I was totally astonished but was feeling excited at the same time. I think my face must have said it all 'cause then that was the point he actually dropped the question and asked me if I wanted to be signed to his record label. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing! I literally had to pinch myself (laughs)! I think I’ll remember that moment for the rest of my life.

Q: Yeah, you sure will…moment for life! It’s amazing how dreams can turn into reality when you push yourself to go on; what motivated you to carry on pursuing your dream?    

K. P.: Well singing and rapping has been something I’ve been doing since the age of 11 and I’ve loved nothing more than doing that. Writing songs and singing or rapping them has allowed me to express my emotions freely and I’ve always loved doing it – it’s made me an enhanced person mentally, so I feel better about myself and when I felt the ‘free spirit’ when I did sing or rap I knew that this was what I want to do for the rest of my life. I thought that if I wanna do it for the rest of my life I’ve gotta go for it and earn it. And ‘you only live once’ as you say, so there’s no point in living life not doing what you wanna do. My family have supported me all the way too and knew that I had some “raw talent” I need to put into action. Without them I wouldn’t be living my dream either. They’ve been there through thick and thin.

Q: True say. You’ve gotta do something in life which you enjoy, YOLO! Were there times where you felt you weren’t going to succeed?

K. P.: To be honest, yes there were many. I use to get quite a few negative thoughts pass by in my mind but I just had to shut my mind off and listen to my intuition. I wasn’t gonna back down. Most of all I thank God for giving me the strength and courage to fulfill my dream because if it wasn’t for Him I wouldn’t be living it right now.

Q: So how is life different now being in the spotlight constantly?

K. P.: My life is in the fast lane! It’s flying by so quickly now. I’ve already got my new album, ‘Ecstasy’, out now as well. I’m continuously in the studio though producing records and then part of my career is obviously partying as well, so I have a lot of early mornings and late nights. Even though I miss my sleep, I do look forward to waking up and knowing that I’ve gotta go to the studio or rehearse for a performance. People think that living this kinda life is easy but it’s not. To be and stay in the game you’ve gotta go hard no matter what.  

Q: Why did you decide to call your album ‘Ecstasy’?

K. P.: It just sums up who I am and the life I’m living right now. I’ve also learnt that you’ve gotta live life to the fullest 'cause things only happen once, so you’ve gotta cherish every moment in life and forget the mistakes you made, but learn from them. The most important thing in life is to be happy and have fun!   

Above is a taster of what my double-page spread article may consist of. Due to this article being a first draft, some questions and answers may change and other things may be added to the final draft of the double-page spread article in order to make it interesting for readers. 

Photos

Below are some shots of my model, Krunal, trying out different possible poses for my magazine. The types of shots I have taken are: mid shots, mid shots with close-ups, and medium long shots as I think that these types of shots will be appropriate for my magazine because the camera will be directly focused on the model, so the audience's attention will be immediately attracted to him as he is part of the USP (unique selling point). Therefore, the audience will be able to recognise the kinds of connotations the model is reflecting through the types of poses Krunal is doing, which represent the R&B/hip-hop genre effectively as he's posing with superiority, class, and a strong demeanour. In addition, the poses and camera angles will portray who my magazine is targeted at (16-28 year olds - a niche audience who are interested in the R&B/hip-hop genre) well because youth are generally drawn to things which are attractive and depict a powerful image. 

Also, I decided that I want to take the images of my model against a simple white background as it'll make the final draft of my magazine look professional if I do decide to include the actual white background of the images in my magazine. Moreover, taking the images of my model against a simple white background will allow me to make straightforward alterations to the images in order to give them a high-quality, neat finish.  

Artist Profile

K. P. is age 18 and grew up in Miami, Florida in the U.S. He took an interest in R&B/hip-hop music at the age of 11 and began singing/rapping from this age. R&B/hip-hop music became K. P.'s passion because of how lyrical he could be and the relaxed vibes he felt. Also, unlike most singers/rappers, he writes songs based on things which have actually happened in his life so he's very true to his fans. 

After gaining many YouTube hits, K. P. started to perform at various nightclubs and was eventually noticed whilst performing at Mynt Lounge at Miami Beach by his favourite artist who he was also inspired by, P. Diddy, and is currently mentored by him and signed to his record label, Bad Boy Records. K. P. takes inspiration from Usher, Mario Winans, Twista, and Ja Rule as well. He decided to drop out of Miami Senior High School later on to go on and succeed in his music career. 

K. P. has released his debut album 'Ecstasy' and is currently on his album tour in USA. His album has reached Platinum in music record sales and he has won two Grammy Awards for 'Best New Artist' and 'Record of the Year', for his song "On A High", and an Urban Music Award for 'Songwriter of the Year'. 

K.P. likes to play FIFA on the PlayStation 3 and is a huge supporter of the English football club Manchester United. He enjoys going to parties too - especially if it's one that he has to host. In addition, he regularly smokes shisha whilst on and off tour. His favourite flavours are double apple and O.M.G (orange, mint, and grape). When K. P. isn't in the studio producing records or performing at concerts, he likes to spend his free time relaxing on holiday with family and friends. However, he does love spending most of his time in the studio and attending concerts - he's very dedicated. But one thing he dislikes about his career is getting less sleep! 

Magazine Front Cover, Contents Page, and Double-page Spread Mock-ups

The mock-ups above are a rough idea of what the final draft of my magazine will look like. However, some of the cover lines, names of articles, titles, positioning of elements, etc, may change to make the final draft of my magazine perfect when I actually start designing it on Adobe Photoshop. 

In the end, I decided to select a Serif 'old school' font style for my masthead on the front cover of the magazine because I think the lines on the font make it stand out better than a Sans Serif font, as the means of a masthead is to attract consumers' attention. 

The image of the music artist which I've drawn on the front cover is an idea of the kind of pose I want my model to do when I photograph them. I decided to illustrate it as a mid shot with a close-up because I think it will be an ideal image for the front cover, as most buyers are usually attracted to who's on the front cover of a magazine (the unique selling point) so pay more attention to facial features - especially youth (target audience of 16-28 year olds). In addition, I decided to draw the music artist overlapping the masthead to highlight the importance of the particular music artist being the main feature of the magazine. Overlapping the image of the music artist with the masthead efficiently makes good use of the space as well. 

Moreover, I chose the price of my magazine to be £2.99 because I researched the price of other magazines of a similar genre to what my magazine is going to be focused on and most of them cost $4.99 (such as The Source), which is around £3.00, so I thought £2.99 would be a reasonable price for my magazine. 

I came to the decision of having the contents page in a simple format as existing magazines, which are of a similar genre to what my magazine is going to be focused on, have a simple layout too. I think a simple layout is ideal as it'll be straightforward for readers to follow and they won't be put off by reading the magazine if a page isn't cluttered with lots of information and images, which is the reason why I also decided to only draw one image of the music artist on the contents page of my magazine. Furthermore, I made the decision to depict the music artist in a medium long shot on the contents page because this type of shot will allow the mise-en-scene to be portrayed effectively. 


Also, I chose to have the letter 's' in the word 'contents' as a dollar sign to give the title of the contents page a 'cool' look. The dollar symbol is associated a lot with the R&B/hip-hop genre as it's a multi-billion dollar industry. Therefore, using a dollar sign will reinforce this fact. 


For the double-page spread, I decided to illustrate an enlarged mid shot with a close-up of the music artist on one half of the double-page spread, but slightly overlapping it over onto the left-hand side of the double-page spread so that a link is portrayed between the image and the actual article that focuses on the music artist. To depict this, I chose to position the title in the middle of the double-page as well. Moreover, I made the decision to have the text in just two columns on the left-hand side of the double-page spread, as it will prevent the entire double-page spread from being overcrowded and putting the readers off from reading the article.